I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
