i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
