I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
