She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
