Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
