i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize