it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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