Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
