i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
