By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
