you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
