Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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