you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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