how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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