I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
