3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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