He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
