I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
