can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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