you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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