I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
