So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
