A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm like, not good at living.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
