He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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