I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
