took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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