I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
