I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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