Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize