I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
