happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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