You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
