My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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