Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
