listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
