Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
