I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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