we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize