you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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