wakey wakey hands off snakey
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize