K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
