ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
