What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
