I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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