Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
