Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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