how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
