If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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