Soap is not a condiment
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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