oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
