All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize