Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Jerry, you need to find god
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Green mimosas i think yes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
