I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
