ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
