i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
