dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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