Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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