Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
