somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
