so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
