do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
