No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she peed on how many people?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
