Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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