R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
