I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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