Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
