I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize