a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
