i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
