The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
